Fear Factor

In one of my favorite books, “Who Moved my Cheese?” there’s a question posed, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” This question is loaded and it really makes you evaluate where you are and where you aren’t. It’s also a question that I ask myself periodically when I feel like I’m getting stuck.

I have a whole plethora of things I’d love to do. So then the question becomes, “Why aren’t you doing those things?” The answer for me and for countless others is bundled up into one sorry, little word: FEAR. Now, on the surface, if you asked me if I was fearful, I would yell a resounding, “No!” But from time to time, I have to go back and ask myself that basic question, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

The reality is that many of us have big dreams, but we get stuck in the “paralysis of analysis” and allow our desires to remain just a dream. Fear creeps in for a lot of reasons, but two major reasons for our fear are Fear of Failure and Fear of Success.

Fear of Failure comes into play when we ruminate over the “what ifs.” “What if they don’t like me? What if no one reads it? What if no one comes? What if?...What if?...What if?” In actuality, none of the people whom you deem as successful could afford to be concerned with the “What ifs.” If they did, they wouldn’t be where they are now. And, as I’ve said before, “What’s the difference between you and them?” Nothing, other than they've decided to move past their fears.

Fear of Success is really a big one because it’s kind of insidious. This fear manifests itself by your secret sabotage of your dream. For example, you may procrastinate by not returning phone calls, finishing projects or attending workshops. Not moving forward with those things will, ultimately, delay you in moving forward with your dream…in a big way.

Understand this, no matter what your goals, hopes or desires are, you can start pursuing them TODAY. Regardless of your financial, relational or mental status, you can start right where you are. The way you eat an elephant is one bite at a time. In other words, don’t get so caught up on the fact that you don’t have all of the details worked out. The key is to get in motion. Moving forward will position you to attract all of the things you need to see your dream come to pass.

In closing, I’d like to share with you my answers to the question:

If I were not afraid, I would—

• Travel the world inspiring and encouraging women to live abundantly full lives.
  
• Teach women how to live free despite their past, shortcomings or inhibitions.
  
• Live my life to the fullest so that when I take my last breath, I know that I’ve left this world in a better place than when I arrived.
  

While my goals have not been fully manifested, I have to make a decision everyday to move toward them doing what I can with what I have RIGHT NOW. And I challenge you to do the same.

Take some time to ponder this question and write down your answers. Look at them often. Remind yourself of them…and then let’s go!

See you at the top!

Inspired Sistah

Taking a Leap in 2011

The Covenant of Sisterhood Series: Who You With?

I believe that our relationships are designed to enhance us and enrich our lives. The Bible tells us that “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend” Proverbs 27:17 (NLT). If you do not have people in your life that you consider friends, you are missing out on a great treasure. Even more special, are our sister-friends. There’s a saying, “Birds of a feather, flock together.” The people that we attract into our lives are actually a reflection of who we are. If you’re finding that the relationships with your sister-friends are lacking, you might want to take a self-inventory and see what’s really going on.

Suppose you notice that you have more “takers” than “givers” on your friendship roster. Or, you have a group of friends who always end up gossiping or man-bashing when you’re together. You may ask yourself, “How did they get there?” Well, sorry to say…you probably attracted them. Even in your “small” encounters, like the way you talk to the server at the restaurant or how you interact with your co-workers, you have to be diligent about what you’re putting out there because you’re going to see it again.

We’ve all heard of the saying that says that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It’s important that we discern the categories our friendships fall into. The people that are in your life for a reason may be there to teach you something, while the sisters that are there for a season, may be there to support you at a certain stage in your life. Neither of these friendships are lifetime connections and you need to understand that and be okay with it. The fallacy comes in when we try to hold onto people who should have been let go a long time ago.

Your goal should be to allow everything in your life to reflect the truth of who you really are: From the clothes you wear to the activities you engage in to the people who you’re connected with. Endeavor to have healthy, positive friendships with other sisters who support your greatest good. So I just have one question: “Who you with?”

The Covenant of Sisterhood

The concept of Sisterhood is near and dear to my heart. I didn’t grow up with any biological sisters, but I always cherished the friendships I had with my girlfriends. But like a lot of women, I began to take on the attitude that other women were too catty and petty and not worth the bother. As I began to mature, however, I started to get an understanding of relationships and started to focus on making sure that every new encounter I had with another sistah lined up with the core of who I was or who I was trying to be. If those connections didn’t line up, then I did not spend a lot of energy on them. You see, what I learned is that we attract people to us based on the energy that we put out. When I was attracting gossiping, back-biting, jealous, hatin’ sistahs into my space, it was because I was sending that spirit out before me. Once I started working on me, then the friendships I attracted were with people who, not only lined up with who I was, but also who I needed to be.

Last year I did a series on Mean Girls where I discussed some negative traits that sistahs sometimes possess. As a follow up to that, I’d like to do this series that will help us to understand how truly enriching the Covenant of Sisterhood is. The goal of this series is to bring you to a place of awareness as it relates to your relationships, in general, but specifically your relationships with other sistahs. By the end, I want you to be able to fully embrace the power that lies in the Covenant of Sisterhood.

Next time we’ll discuss what our friendships say about who we are in a blog entitled, “Who You With?”

Be Inspired,
Inspired Sistah