Superwoman

Growing up I loved to watch the DC Comics series. You know, they had some bad chicks in them like Wonder Woman and Super Girl. Those girls would be regular sistahs one minute and saving the world the next. Now that’s something to aspire to. Who didn’t own a pair of Super Girl Underoos and run around the house jumping off the couch exerting her super powers?

As women of color, we’re known for our strength. We’re known as being the ‘Go-To’ Women. We know how to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. We can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, ever let you forget you’re a man! We wear this badge with honor, and very well, we should. But there’s a downside to being a Superwoman. In an effort to appear as if we have it all together, we can sacrifice ourselves physically, spiritually and emotionally. Afraid to let anyone see a crack in our armor, we secretly suffer unnecessarily. We think that we will be perceived as weak if we show vulnerability. So we keep on truckin’ even though we’re struggling with addictions, low self-esteem, depression, or a “I-don’t-need-nobody,-I-got-this!” mentality. Why do we do this to ourselves? Some of it is culturally learned from our Mama’s and Big Mama’s where we were taught not to have to depend on anyone but ourselves. And some of our behaviors are adapted behaviors in an effort to insulate ourselves from hurt, rejection and disappointment. Whatever the root, the fruit is spoiling.

While our resilience is admirable, it can sometimes be a cover-up for being broken and bruised. While we sometimes appear like we always have it ‘goin' on’, we’re only fooling ourselves. Like a beautiful vase with a crack in it, eventually, the contents will seep through. Those toxic contents manifest themselves in a lot of different ways, but one of them is what I call the Superwoman Complex. That’s when we appear to be able to handle all of our drama and everyone else’s too. And when our cup approaches the full line, instead of saying, “You know, I would love to help you out, but I just can’t right now”, we heap more stuff on our plates, and begin to neglect the things that should be important to us, including ourselves. That type of behavior will put you on the fast track to destruction. Know that it’s okay to be vulnerable and transparent and take some time to take care of you. Because after you finish saving the day and running yourself in the ground, those same people you tried to rescue will just step right over you and continue doing what they want to be doing anyway, despite your efforts. So leave the superhero escapades to the media, and do yourself a favor, retire the ‘S’ and bid ado to Superwoman.