I experienced something interesting today and I wanted to talk about it.
You know it’s the beginning of the year and a lot of people have made commitments to get in shape. Most gyms are usually packed out this time of the year only to find themselves running "specials” to entice new members by mid-year. As a result, the classes are often full for several weeks and then only the ‘regulars’ remain. Well, I went to my cycling class today at the gym and I noticed an all-too-familiar phenomenon that rubbed me raw. There are a group of regular women that come to the class and like to reserve their bikes early and sit together and they have sort of a “cliquish” way that they behave in the class. I noticed today that whenever a ‘new-comer’ tried to sit in “their” area, they shooed them away and began to giggle and comment and affirm their “territory”. I thought to myself, “Wow! Grown women are still playing little girls' games.”
I’ve learned in my interactions that age has nothing to do with maturity. And as women, we can be so vicious to other women when we feel threatened. For some, just being cordial is a strain. It seems that their first nature is to attack and attempt to protect what they perceive as a threat to what they’ve laid claim to. We see it all the time when a woman starts a new job and is just trying to find her place and learn her duties. But she becomes distracted by attacks of gossip and sabotaging by other women who feel threatened by her because she’s smart and articulate, and God forbid, attractive. You know, the unfortunate thing about that whole scenario is that the women who are on the attack are only further demeaning themselves by their behavior. What they are inadvertently screaming to the world is that they are insecure and are afraid that no one will want to play with them anymore if they let the “new girl” into their circle.
Sounds petty, right? But it’s a reality that’s being played out in corporations, social groups, and even gyms! How about trying a little experiment? The next time you and your girls are somewhere and The New Girl comes on the scene, why don’t you speak to her (without that hatin’ look in your eyes), invite her to have a seat and practice being nice? You’ll be surprised at the result. You may just gain a really cool girlfriend along with some brownie points in the maturity department. Who knows? You may prove yourself to be a stellar graduate from Little Girls' Games.
For more on this topic, visit my blog at www.InspiredSistah.blogspot.com and check out the Mean Girls series or stop by my website, www.InspiredSistah.com and pick up a Mean Girls CD. You may not need it for yourself, but you can give a copy to one of your girls. ;-)
Be Inspired!
Inspired Sistah
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I appreciate this blog so much, beacause it's so true. Women need to stop this crap, a grow up. Beauty come in all shapes, size and color; inside and out. We need to love one another, instead of hate.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words.
Keep it up.
God bless you.
I've had a similar conversation with friends many times. It seems like so many women just never leave high school and it is really sad.
ReplyDeleteI see this happening even more in the African-American community which makes it that much more sad.
You are dead on when you say, little girl games. I learned a long time ago that although we graduate from high school, doesn't mean all of us graduate mentally or emotionally.
ReplyDeleteLadies, you are so correct. I don't know why we are so plagued with this issue. Why are we so territorial, competitive & vicious? It has to lie in a reason deeper than we know...SMH.
ReplyDeleteSo true! I talk about this all the time with my friends. It's really sad that some of us engage in these games as grown women.
ReplyDeleteAs told to me by Alesia F...
ReplyDelete"tangie, the inspired sistah blog "little girls' games" is truly inspiring. in support to your blog, i went to my brothers wedding this week and my new sis in law, wendy, comes from a family with a LARGE group of women. unfortunately, in most of the cases, the wedding was the first time we all had the opportunity to meet each other. so while at the wedding reception, my mother and I started up a conversation with some ladies from wendy's neighborhood. then two of wendy's cousins that we didnt know kept looking up while standing near our small group. it seemed as though they were curious as to who we all were. so I asked my mom to scoot closer to me to make room for them to seat down and then i said "come join us and have a seat family." the cousins' face lit us from this easy inclusion. they had an instant sense of appreciation and joy. the ice was broken. for the rest of the evening, and to my luck, those very same cousins were the catalyst that helped to merged our families. wendy & my brother are overjoyed by the evenings outcome. could you imagine how hard this evening would have been if the other clique-ish option was chosen? tang you are so right, once we get over ourselves, you can see how one act of "selfless thinking" can truly make the difference."
Wow, Alesia! I love this story. It's been my experience, for the most part, that when we extend ourselves in a positive manner to other women, they respond favorably. It sort of catches them off-guard & they are pleasantly surprised. It's as if they can FINALLY relax & don't have to worry about the "game."
ReplyDeleteIt is sad that sometimes we adult women continue to behave with an ignorant child-like mentality. Some of us never really fully mature. The type of behaviour you observed is sad and common. I have been on the "outsider" end and I hope I myself have not excluded anyone.
ReplyDeleteExcellent food for thought.